Zeeast.......Memory of Broken Soul

after so long

2006-07-12T20:46:00.000+05:00

......

Learn to be happy

2006-02-12T21:41:00.000+05:00

I recent times we seem to have developed a “need” to be happy and decreasing tolerance for delayed gratification. When we are single, we want to be married. When we are in an unhappy marriage most of us attempt to improve it and eventually leave if it doesn’t get better.
A generation ago, men and women got married, had families, and rarely divorced. Every one seemed to know the rules and followed them. “Fulfillment” was not a priority and unhappiness was not cause for divorce. Then our society changed the rules changed, life and relationships became much more complex. We want to be happy, but we don’t know how. We are traveling to a vague destination without a map or compass, and are not aware of what is causing us to be off track.
My observation about our current culture is that we want to be happy, but don’t know how. This problem has been created by message in movies, television, and other media, that promote a consumer oriented, immediate satisfaction society. We seem to feel entitled to be able to buy and get what we want with little effort on our part. We have been conditioned that happiness comes from the outside, by having enough money, the car we want, the job we want, and the husband or wife we want. Then, when we get what we want, we find that we aren’t happy!
Our marriages are not working because of this externalized, entitlement mindset. If we aren’t happy we believe it is our partner’s fault.
On the other hand secrets of happiness are quite contrary to the messages found in the entertainment media, and I refer to them as “misleading” because many of us (consciously or unconsciously) want to believe the commercials’ promises and don’t want to look at the reality.
Many of us have wonderful, romantic , vision of the life partnership we want; the reality is that great relationships require a lot of self work and effort on your part in the relationship .If you feel like you are putting more efforts into the relationship than your partner’ you’re probably doing it right. The challenge is that the effort must come from you.
To get. you have to give it away .This is a paradox that challenges our generation. We are much more motivated to “get” than to “give” which wreaks serious havoc in our relationships. When we focus on giving and let go of keeping score, we have a chance of finding happiness in our life and relationships.
Our relationships are our mirrors. This can be quite challenging and uncomfortable, as we will experience the parts of ourselves that we don’t like (our “shadows’) as well as what we want to see. Happiness means learning to use the relationship to learn and grow, which means taking full responsibility and even embracing our shadows when they get reflected to us.
We tend to focus on goals and results, which works well in many areas of our life, but mot so well in our relationships. Our journey with our spouse is all we really have. Learning to be present with and appreciate the journey is the path to happiness.
The journey is always longer and harder than expected. We are an impatient culture that wants immediate results. While some of us have the work ethic and self- discipline for the sustained effort necessary to be successful, few of us are happy doing so, We look around and every one else seems to get what they want so easily, and we wonder why it has to be so hard for us. Truly accepting this principle is a necessary step toward happiness.

Baseless Personification

2006-02-03T22:33:00.000+05:00

I glance back into life
And realise
Those years have rolled by
And decades have crossed
And in the meanwhile
The misty haze
That hung around
Like the death penalty
Has changed colour
It had deepend intensity
And sharpened its hues
It has become even more claustrophobic
And the realities of life
And the complexities of relations
Have become even more warped.

I glance back into life,
And realise
The fatal attacks
And futile attempts to safeguard
Have dexterously led to a journey
Full of intermingled stories
Tales of another lifetime
Another body, another soul
And the catharsis of the spirit
Is yet another worthless try
A baseless personification
And now, even though the mist may settle
Even though the clouds may clear
The threat of extinction
Would still, meticulously lurk around.

Phanatasm Of Nomadic Desires

2006-02-03T22:08:00.000+05:00

If they don't come true
Why do we dream??
In a fatastic world
How mythical does it seem!
Life is very sweet there
And not cloying, just like cream
Oh! Desires come true
With happiness, I scream!
I know dreams are a veneer
Why do I cherish them ?
Why do I value them?
For life is too austere!
just like a fragile glass
My crystals of cravings break:
their spikes pierce my heart
And the pain is so sever!
Still I look very happy
Jubilant, gay and fresh
But it's a fake coating mere!
I should shun fantasies
No space for them in my parlor
I see them leaving my heart
I feel their elating of freedom
But to call them back.......
I stll make no endeavour
They know I want them back
But they ever bo incur!
Desires went away like nomad
Leaving their perfect niche
So why do I offer harbor??

My dreams have gone away
Why my hands still sway??
I see in my broken imagination
A tear
Atoken of valediction.

The Joys Of Solitude

2005-12-26T06:09:00.000+05:00

O' solitude! when winds of Quietude fly on Time's delicate wings,
I listen to the soulful song that thy demurely sing
Mellow and gentle thy strain is chiming along the shores of harmony
As the sky embraces the distant corners of Earth
Or the zephyr touches the blooming thorny rose
It whispers, It murmurs, the secrets of joy
And rekindles the reposeful summer in front of the wintry hearth
Birds enchanting prance and babble in the sunlit dale,
Stars of delight flash on the surface of the river silver and pale
Sadness surreptitiously transform into overwhelming joy
As the rainbow colours mingle with the weeping streams of woe
Aspiration ripened finds more ways to grow
While an inexorable rhythm in life it originates
Emanated are the lyrical revelations yoked with beauty
Love in which throbs and pulsates!
The charming spell when comes to an end
I hear prosaic outbursts of commotion and turmoil
The land becomes barren,
Devoid of the fertile soil
The kaleidoscopic symphony seizes to be
And smothered is the profound glee!

Having it all or not?

2005-11-18T22:04:00.000+05:00

The other day I happened to have a very interesting conversation with a friend of mine who argued that women these days wanted to ‘have it all’. Upon further inquiry as to what exactly he meant by this statement, I was informed that it was nothing in specific, but that he had merely observed that women in general, it seemed were striving for just about everything nowadays – career, marriage, kids – the whole package. Now I don’t know about the rest of you, but I found this to be a bit of a generalisation, and a sexist one at that too. Considering the fact that the man in question , I was baffled to say the least. The conversation really took a revealing turn, when our opinions on the proclaimed statement finally emerged out in the open. While I deemed women ‘having it all’, so to speak, as a wonderfully emancipating development, my friend evidently did not share my views. Although assuring me repeatedly that he had no problems whatsoever with women in the work field, or working mothers and wives, (lest I should go and babble otherwise to his girlfriend!), he nevertheless felt that women were taking their life aspirations to an unhealthy extreme and in the desire to be ‘every woman’, they were in fact just running themselves through the ground. Needless to say, a fierce argument followed – no physical damage was done, but had the talk gone on any further, all bets were off from my side certainly.As I returned home though, my friend’s words kept ringing in my head, and I couldn’t help but ponder over what he had said. Do women really want it all today? Personally speaking, I’m not quite sure what exactly defines ‘all’. For me, as a young woman, career is extremely important, as are my family and friends. was I also want to eventually get married? Yes, I was. And what about continuing to work after tying the knot? Well, check yes again. Is this wanting to ‘have it all’ then? If so, then I’m afraid a great many of us are sailing in the same boat. The thing that I find bothers me the most, however, is that my friend’s proclamation is a gender generalisation, when in fact both men and women in recent years have come a long way in realising and fulfilling their ambitions. The fast paced life of big cities, an effort towards more awareness, and better education opportunities have enabled both sexes to develop a thirst for wanting more and avoid settling for less than their optimum potential. Of course, the kinks are still there, if they weren’t, then we’d be a nation of over achievers and Pakistan would be somewhere else altogether! But bubble bursting aside, there is no doubt that in recent times young people in particular are beginning to wake up to an entirely new palette of life and career possibilities. Why then, are women made to feel apologetic for this, while men mostly applauded? Indeed, why are women told that they’re chasing an almost impossible dream? Aren’t we all? The truth is, that we’re all just a bunch of stressed out individuals who don’t have the time of day to stop and smell the roses. This is the brilliant, though somewhat depressing conclusion my friend’s crazy arguments eventually led me to. As far as women go, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out why they’re singled out for being too ambitious, or too work oriented, as compared to their male counterparts. They’re an easy scapegoat for everything that’s wrong in society. It’s as simple as that. Thus, if you’re looking for someone to blame the increasing divorce rates on, look no further than all those irresponsible women who neglect their domestic obligations and family in lieu of that dirty word, ‘career’…or indeed, if you’ve been wondering why there are more and more independent young, single women out there, when in fact they should all be getting hitched instead, well, its because of that pesky career again. They want the right job and the right man? What’s next, the heavens themselves? Exaggeration and heavy sarcasm aside, I’m not that far off from the mark, if you really think about it. Take an unattached career woman for instance. No matter how great her social life may be, however content she may be in her circle of friends and family, work pressures are always going to be there. While this in itself is manageable, the problem begins when the ball inevitably drops as far as marriage is concerned. So in addition to job hassles, there’s the added tension of answering to society about your marital status also! Even more harassed is probably the married woman – coping with kids, hubby and work. She not only has to strive for excellence at her job, but at home also, because if she slips us, she immediately gets labelled inept – a tag that society is always more than ready to bestow working mothers with. Ultimately, it all boils down to society’s perceptions. If any of us are to lead a more stress free lifestyle, certain imperative steps are in order. There has to be an acknowledgment, that challenges and pressures are part and parcel of any career – and can affect either sex. Only then can there be better support systems implemented. A healthy, supportive environment is absolutely essential for any sane lifestyle, perhaps more so for women, considering the Herculean task they sometimes have to go through just to get an equal opportunity in the first place. Its funny how a random statement such as the one my friend made, ended up leading to so many life related conclusions. Over simplified bottom line? We all need to sit back and take better care of ourselves. The body will go through only so many layers of warning signs before damage sets in. Thus, as clichéd as it may sound, a little self-reflection here, a little reassessment there can’t hurt anyone. We have to keep reminding ourselves that as human beings it’s in our innate nature to desire that elusive ‘all’. Its the act of not letting that desire consume you, which is the trick to a relatively stress free life.

That is 'Me'

2005-11-17T07:43:00.000+05:00

Here I am,Like an Empty shell,

Like a broken vessel,

Like the time, that has been passed

Like the soul, that has been caught

Like an autumn tree standing alone by the road side

Like an injured bird,that can't even take its last flight

Like the only barren land in the rain

Like a broken glass lying in on window pane

That's the way my life has passed and still I wish

These feelings to forever last!

My mind is stuck wid......

2005-11-02T23:06:00.000+05:00

Since last three hours I'm listening to the same song........I've played it randomly.....but don't know why I'm stuck wid this Song by "Emily of Evanscence and Seether"......"BROKEN"

I wanted you to know I love the way you laugh

I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away

I keep your photograph; I know it serves me well

I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

‘Cause I’m broken when I’m open

And I don’t feel like I am strong enough

‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome

And I don’t feel light when you’re gone away

The worst is over now and we can breathe again

I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away

There’s so much left to learn, and no one left to fight

I wanna hold you high and steal your pain

‘Cause I’m broken when I’m open

And I don’t feel like I am strong enough

‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome

And I don’t feel right when you’re gone away

‘Cause I’m broken when I’m open

And I don’t feel like I am strong enough

‘Cause I’m broken when I’m lonesome

And I don’t feel light when you’re gone away....

Fasting and faith

2005-10-29T00:34:00.000+05:00

Ramazan is upon us and one of the nice things about being in a Muslim country is that fasting is made so easy. No one eats in public in the daytime and instead of a quick iftari snatched at your desk as happens too often in London, it’s possible to enjoy leisurely iftaris with our friends and family. Of course a few friends who become alarmingly religious in Ramazan do complain that these highly social iftaris interfere with their prayer time but by Eid they recover their sanity. After all, Maghrib is only three rakats, which an easily be incorporated into any social function and those who want to read the Quran or meditate can always find time for God, even if it’s in the middle of the night. For me, the social aspect of Ramazan is part and parcel of Islam which is after all more a way of life than a mere religion.My cook is one example of the "suddenly religious" type. I’ve hardly ever seen him go for Namaz even on Fridays but in Ramazan he’s a changed man. While the fact that he has realized he should worship his Creator is a good thing, he has unfortunately also become a sort of religious policeman. He berates those who don’t fast, even our maid who’s Hindu and doesn’t need to! He irritates the other servants by telling them how they should be praying more and how prayer will cleanse their souls. Understandably the others feel that he should pay more attention to his own religious duties and less time judging others.The funniest thing about this cook is that he goes around in the grouchiest of moods all day. Granted, it is difficult to cook when you are fasting but millions of women do it in the Muslim households all over the world every Ramazan. Arguably a mazdur has a tougher job. The difficulty of the cook’s job is no excuse for his sheer surliness. The spiritual aspect of fasting seems to completely pass him by as he picks fights with everyone around; including the chokidar who is at least a foot taller than him but who luckily has a cool temper and a sense of humour. A panch-time namazi himself, he sees the funny side of the little Bengali cook advising him about religion.As far as the sermonising that seems to come over people in Ramazan goes, it’s not that I object to people being religious per se. In fact I consider myself to be quite religious and believe actual worship is part and parcel of belief. It’s just that people who suddenly wrap themselves in religion for the duration of Ramazan and then look down on others irritate me. Although fasting without prayer is pointless (after all even donkeys can go from dawn to dusk without food), the idea that religion is just for Ramazan is nonsensical. While it’s true that while fasting you are constantly reminded of your spiritual obligations, surely one’s faith should result in constant practice no matter what time of the year. Those who compound this by looking down on less overtly religious people are maddening. If you wish to use Ramazan to revitalize your faith or even to explore your faith further, then that should be a personal spiritual matter which doesn’t need to be forced down other people’s throats. The Ramazan "Holier than thou" types are even less welcome than the common or garden variety.

My nation?

2005-10-29T00:26:00.000+05:00

Lots has been said and written about the earthquake which hit the country on the 8th of October. Yes, thousands died, millions were left homeless, and another million still famished; countless lay on mattresses transformed into hospital beds, a considerate number of arms and legs were amputated and yes, an equally good amount of relief aid was delivered to these areas. Volunteers flew in from all corners of the world; schools in Karachi, Lahore and Islamabad made it compulsory upon particularly the male students to travel to the quake-hit areas, dig graves and counsel the survivors; the television displayed raw images of the catastrophe to keep the saved updated and amid it all, ten days after the quake itself, everything seems to be a lot smoother. At college, I noticed how the Monday after the Saturday earthquake, truckloads of clothes, dry food, medicines, shoes, coffins and what not poured in as students launched a massive relief aid campaign. It felt great; this could only denote a sense of tremendous unity the likes of which I had never seen before. Pakistan was becoming one, a nation. This unexplainable, happy feeling went through me and glad, I volunteered to pack this huge amount. While tying the shoes in pairs, my eyes set on a strappy stiletto; the heel was easily more than four inches, the straps, if worn properly, could kiss the calve of a lady and the glitzy fuscia pink pattern was enough to blind one. I stared at the pink piece, aghast. And this was just the beginning. Next, I saw bundles of ties and belts carelessly thrown into a shabby, tattered suitcase with a zipper that refused to budge. Horrified, I wondered what the Pakistani people were trying to do – was this a cupboard-cleanup act? A clean up act where women threw in whatever excess or filth lay inside their homes, whatever they thought was out of fashion and where men disposed off belts with buckles that no longer functioned properly? Sickening.Perhaps my nation has watched too much news on television and this generous load has made them forget that up north, it is nothing but freezing, shivering, deadly cold. Perhaps visual displays of the lethal situation at Balakot alone have not helped Pakistanis remember that shabby ties, strappy sandals and saris from the good ol’ dowry are not needed and cannot replace the warmth and comfort of blankets and jackets.Five days later, I saw nothing. No truckloads. No medicines. No food. Nothing at all. This, as I saw, was the ‘vigour’ of the nation’s ‘brotherhood,’ the promise of the nation broken and many still hungry and homeless. Where on earth has the sturdy motivation, the strong will to ‘help’ and ‘donate’ disappeared off to? Perhaps my nation has forgotten that the victims were not left hungry for five, six, or seven days. Perhaps my nation has forgotten that those affected have been traumatized forever, orphaned for a whole life, psychologically dead for the years to come, and economically deprived for generations. Chic shoes, ragged ties, shabby suitcases and flashy dresses seem to be nothing but an insult hurled at the survivors. This urban disease has spread to the areas hit by the earthquake as well. Those who went to donate and do volunteer work reported that the free phone service by Mobilink and Ufone in the affected areas led a number of eminent politicians to make endless personal local and international calls. There they were, chitchatting away while a few feet from them lay families without roofs on their heads, tears in their eyes, and bruises on their bodies. Many of these political heads have been seen strolling around television cameras only. What, I ask, is there left to say? I got hold of Mr Taimur Bandey, a renowned Economics teacher at various schools in Lahore, and questioned him about his recent trip to Balakot. Here is an extract of the small conversation we had: Me: Although we do get updated regularly about the situation at Balakot, what is the latest? Bandey: Well, bundles of unwanted, skimpy clothes lie on road crossings up north, tremors are still being felt, countless want to tell their tragic tales, and amidst all of this, children are being forced to begin school. At this fatal hour, a lot of other things need to be taken care of. Yes, a lot of other things do need to be taken care of. Roads have been blocked by heavy, mammoth-sized trucks from the cities, ambulances are speeding away every few minutes, villages have been flattened, entire families have been wiped out and at this moment, it is not right for small children to attend school. These are not children from the city; they don’t travel in the comfort of cars. They walk back home. From what I see, that is nothing but asking for danger. The civil administration must understand that in the face of this tragedy, we are not geared up for more loss. Moreover, school premises can be safely utilised as hospital wards and this would mean only a small number lying under the sky, their limbs amputated, diseases harming them more from the dead bodies resting nearby and temperatures freezing them to tears. This would mean shelter. This would mean life. This would mean my nation.

My very own megical kingdom

2005-10-20T23:32:00.000+05:00

For as long as my memory allows me to remember, I've always had a book by my side. And I mean 'always.' I couldn't fall into bed and be whisked off to slumberland without reading, no matter how exhausted I was, I would be reading when commuting to school and later to University.
I would always carry a book with me when I went for long drives or voyaged by plane or train, albeit a throbbing headache would brew if I read and travelled simultaneously. Yet , the call of the written words was too strong and whenever I heeded the beckoning, I responded.
I was most at home, when I entered the premises of that building which stripped me off all wordly concerns; my own megical kingdom with its array of fiefdoms_fiction and history, biography and poetry, the mysterious realms of astronomyand occult, and of course, the altar at which the king size dictionaries and leather-bound atlases rested, but not in peace. Here was Where I was Queen, without the need of any coronation. A land which I had not conquered but which had conquered me, instead. And I had willingly succmbed.
I was not alone here.People communicateed in loving gestures, and whispered like clandestine lovers,And when you saw some one from your fraternity, you don't need words;the officoial language was silence and the standard greeting was smile.
The scent of yellowing papermingled congenially with that of the crisp white sheets. That patent perfume: a breathtaking, intoxicating concoction of ink, glue and wax never failed to waft alluringly to rule my senses when ever I walked in through that gleaming oak door with its solemn plaque which simply pronounced:'Library"
As I would tiptoe around the serried, seemingly infinite, painstakingly neat, columns of books and more books, I would feel humble and so puny in the aegis and shadow of such knowledge. Here was a territory which gave me not onlt answers to anything I sought, but also succeeded in introducing me to horizons I had never know existed, challenging me to keep on delving for more; mocking me that I would never know enough.
Despite that fact that I would have a truckload of home work and notes in my arms, which I knew I would have to eventually get down to attacking with aid of refrence books. I would be pulled by a pagan, magnetic force towards the myriads of stacked books. I would then lovingly caress each title with my eyes, smiling in recognition at some, picking out others which perked my interest, ignoring those contemptuously which didn't catch my face: I had the right either to be benevolent or indifferent.This 'was' my kingdom.
Armed with books in my hands I would walk with an assurance___ the assurance and arrogance all lovers have who are certain of the bliss and intransigence of their love__lovers who smile to themselves as if concealing some secret, who know that they will meet again, and then again, to renew their vows, never harbouring the fear of betrayal within the sacred sanctuary of the library.

UNTAMED JEALOUSY

2005-10-19T19:45:00.000+05:00

what makes us get jealous in a relationship and how we combat the green -eyed monster?

YOU LOVE HIM MADLY.And he loves you in return. or does he? You keep getting these suspicions that he's eyeing up others, or even play ing away. You suffer the agonies of damned. You're so jealous that it hurts. And yet you know that if you carry on being so jealous, you 're going to end up driving him away.
Why do we get jealous?
Most people get jealous at some time or another. it's often based on insecurity- you think so little of yourself that you can't believe that your husband would stay with you. Or you think so much of your husband or giance that you're convinced he can have his pick of women.
As result , you get over- wary, ultra suspicious. You start seeing signs of disaster every where. And typically you then go on of two ways- you become an angry 'control freak' -challenging everything your partner does- or you turn into a cling 'victim' , When you act all weak and dependent.
on one level , jealousy 's instinctive you want to protect your relationship and keep your man. But life experiences can make us all vulnerable to jealousy. If you've been upstaged in love, if previous love left for an other woman, for example, then you will be more warry. Or if you haven't had much luck in finding some one and don't feel you could get a replacement, you may be more susceptible to possessive feelings.
Hhow can we control jealousy?
The firt thing is to check is whether , in fact, you should control it. If you've never been jealous beore and yur man has a track record of playing around, then may be there's a very good reason why you're feling anxious. If so . make a clear statement that you will not put up with two timing- and if he tries anything, simply walk away.
But if you know you're always jealous and if you know that it's unreasonable, there are five key strategies that will help you cope:
1- Though it out.Simply ignore your feeling of jealousy and pop them in a mental box marked'not to worry'. If you can keep a rein on your emotions and not throwwobblies at your husband, then in time you will grow more secure and therefore less jealous.(But beware of pushing your feelings down so much that they pop out in a rage every time you have an argument.
2-Build you self -esteem. If your jealousy is based on believing that you are not worthy of your partner, then feeling better about yourself will cool you down. So become aware of your strengths, be good to yourself , ask those who care to tell you what they value in you.(But beware of countinually asking your man the, "Do you still love me?' question-whingy neediness will drive him away in the end.)
3- challenge your jealous thoughts.Underpinning most jealousy is a misunderstanding of the situation. So take a cold hard look at what is happening- maybe even getting a trusted friend to give you their opinion.In particular, challenge your belief that your man is going to wander off with the first bimbo that crosses his path. He almost certainly won't.
4- share your fear clearly .If you tell a caring and sensitive partner how bad you feel , he will be able to reassure you. So if a specific incident makes you worry, then come clean. 'when I saw you chatting to your gorgeous colleages, I felt scared that you would like her more than me.'(But beware screaming, sobbing or hissing these words-attack just makes things worse.)
5- Step into your partner's shoes.Try imagining that you are on the receiving end of your own behaviour -how would you feel when you faced with your questioning , suspicious or worry? He, mean while, could imagine he is you-which may make him rethink some of his jealousy- inducing actins.(But beware this turning into a slanging match of theI'm hurting more than you are' variety.)
If it all goes pear-shaped
But what if your husband does fall for someone else and leaves? What do you do then? One of the best way of guarding againstjealousy is to know you could handle the worst if it happened.
And you could. A few years after most break-ups, female are having the time of their lives ,. So you will bounce back , and you will almost certainly do it very quickly indeed.
A final thought . If your husband does choose some else, this doesn't mean you are lacking. You are lovable whether or not your husband loves you. And some where out there is a man who will love you much, much more than the one who just left you.

Out Wid A Bang!

2005-10-03T09:08:00.000+05:00

Out with a bang!

Have you ever let off phatakay on Shab-e-Barat? It’s a custom that I don’t really “get”. There doesn’t seem to be even a tenuous religious connection so it must be a cultural thing but I really don’t get the point. It just seems to be a yearly assault of noise pollution by young men who have too little to amuse them, a little like the bizarre ear-splitting ritual of celebrating Independence by removing motorcycle silencers. I guess I can’t see the thrill of firecrackers because they just don’t have the “oomph” of fireworks. Perhaps the problem is that we don’t have a yearly celebration where we let off fireworks. The Americans have the Fourth of July, the English have Guy Fawkes Night, the Indians have Diwali and most of the rest of the world seems to make do with New Year’s Eve. My American cousins are guaranteed to be found at a barbeque on the Fourth of July, even if it is a fully desi affair with chicken tikka and seekh kebabs on the grill rather than ribs. Similarly, the fifth of November immediately conjures up images of Guy Fawkes Night bonfires with the smell of wet leaves burning, mingling with the smell of hot roasted chestnuts. I’m sure everyone remembers TV images of the Australians lighting up Sidney Harbour Bridge with fireworks to usher in the new millennium while everyone who’s ever been to Disneyland remembers the nightly fireworks displays there.Fireworks have style and pizzazz. At one very grand Indian wedding I went to, the Baraat went up the road to the bride’s house letting off fireworks. The bride’s side responded with a spectacular display of their own when the bride and groom put garlands around each other’s necks. It was all very Bollywood and looked fantastic. It probably also cost a fortune. I suppose it’s a good thing that there isn’t a tradition of letting off fireworks here because basically they are one of the quickest ways of burning money. Even the best display doesn’t last very long, but then it doesn’t have to because after a while the whine and *bang* gets a bit monotonous so you find yourself waiting for the big “finale”. There does, however, have to be an event of sorts backing up the firework display. The firework display may be the “piece de resistance” but there’s usually a good feast while you’re waiting.Now we Pakistanis don’t usually need an excuse to feast but as for the fireworks, I admit I can’t think of a good day for them. Eid and Chand raat have their own charms and rituals and in any case I don’t think that a religious day is the right day. Perhaps the 14th of August but that’s probably too American. Our weddings are already such riots of colour and opulence that they can really do without physical fireworks. It would be nice, however, to have day where we celebrate with sparklers, pinwheels and whooshing rockets. On the other hand, we’d probably find a load of homemade death traps on the market so maybe it’s better that “Fireworks Day” remains a dream. In the meantime, I’ll just stock up on the cotton wool and wait for the firecrackers to subside

Stones & strangers

2005-09-29T22:48:00.000+05:00

Among the mountains
How that excursion
Endowed in your being
All that nature proffered.
Sense of being lost
And wanting to be found
The innocence and that fear
The gasping breath
Weariness of body
Yet will to carry on
All in your aspect screened
Seeing them i thought
Here was my heaven
I thought it all for me
How truly i was wrong
Still with a heavy heart
I remember.

Worship, Mysticism Or Insanity

2005-09-29T22:24:00.000+05:00

At first there was just pain
My days and throughout the nights
I forgot myself and let go
Numb and dead all dark no light

I wanted to feel alive
Enjoy the different emotions for real
What’s hurt , what’s tears can i know
Get back my life n action n zeal

Such confusion such devastation
Can’t go on but can’t stop so
My body soulless stranded
Got to get out drop out just go!

I shudder and get scared
My vulnerability becomes my end
The fear grows makes me weak
On just my inner voice could I depend?

My dreams against my hope
My fall against my awakening
Just dose of harsh reality
The fight the struggle becoming maddening

No matter how I pretended
Couldn’t make it work for me
The eyes questions the look stares

Its time for ME to be!
Bounded chains disappeared
When I knew and I accepted
I bent and I bowed
With my life I now reflected
Giving myself away like that
Felt good, it was there to last
Real feelings of life and emotions
All the relief and ecstasy in my soul en cast

My dead eyes could speak
My senseless motions no more astray
Just bow have faith be strong
That’s what I learnt what I’ll portray

But that’s all I thought
I felt I knew that’s the way
But life haas it pricks
The death silently won’t go away

So the struggle goes on and on
I live and then I die
Worship, mysticism or insanity
Death comes as life goes by.

Tag.....

2005-09-17T21:23:00.000+05:00

well jahanzaib and Shaper tag me and here I go.....

5 years ago:
I was the same as I’m right now….but the only difference is that…all of my friends were around me….we ppl were ready to do any thing any time…life was free of care….I remember each and every day of A level’s class…we had lots of fun…..I remember how I was use to laugh every time when ever our Physics teacher came into our class…most often…He asked, “ Miss Zeeast in this 45 min of class you use to laugh for 40 min” what is this all about……and that cause a great laughter again to me…I don’t why I was doing this crap…..I remember My left Sock event…hahahahahaha…..Ohh My God….infect I didn’t feel like to wear socks in summer…but one of our teacher was so disciplined she wanted every one in proper uniform…..she warned me a lot…but all in vain…one day she ordered me to leave the class… at once I realize that I had them in my bag…I told her…she said wear them….when I went back to my bag my left sock was missing…..then wat?????.......she has placed my right sock on the Notice board wid the note “Return the Zeeast’s left Sock”….it was damn thing…you ppl will not believe that how shameful that was to me…….just make a guess how that sock was….:(
When ever I meet my school friends they use to remind me…hahahahaha…
1 Year ago:
Exactly one year back in September I was in Chicago….I realized for the first time...that what I’m to my husband…and what he is to me….I don’t feel like to go in to detail more….but another good thing was that…I got PPL( private pilot license) though I flew a simple two sitter plan Named Tiger Mouth…but it was a great fun…now I can fly any type of private plan……and last year I was in my last year of graduation…in EME….the unforgettable life I had in this university…I’ve learnt so many things…give me the way to go further…I was busy in studies….but I was happy with all that stuff…now I’m missing my routine my course mates…every body was so loving and caring….specially the co ordination of my 2nd group member…I can’t forget and even I can’t pay him….I’m so thankful to him…
5 famous people I’d like to meet:
Ein Stine (but I know I can’t)
Sedra Smith
Jhon.G.Proakis
Dimitris G. Manolakis
Robert Lafore
5 things I like doing:
Playing guitar
Chanting with my Grand Pa
Listening to music
Long drives
Making scrptures

5 bad habits I have:
Short tempered
Egoist
When ever I take a decision about any thing…then no matter I’m wrong or right…I just do stuck with my words
I want my will prevail every where
Not social (according to my grand Ma)
5 songs I know all the words to:
well well well. It’s quite a hard thing to tell….cause I‘ve so many on my mind…because I do listen to a lot…
Each and every song of Avril lavigne(specially. No body’s home. I’m wid you, Nacked, Mobile,Freak out, losing my Grip,Togather etc etc..)
3 Doors Down (here without you, Be like that, Away from the sun, When I’m gone, Loser, and I feel you)
Linkin Park…ohhh Each and every song… (Numb, cure, in the end, etc etc etc.)
Evanescence… (Bring me to life, Whisper, going under, haunted, Imaginary, and My last breath...
Eminem, ( lose your self to the music)
And so many of Green day, the calling, Puddle of Mud, Nickelback, stained. Life house, etc.

5 Snacks I enjoy:
Every thing which I can I find at Munchies in Islamabad
Safilo’s Food
Samosa
Pringles
And Pea nuts

5 Things I'd do with $100 million dollars:
Well…I’ll never ever wish to have them cause as a billionaire I’m a depressed person…
5 places I would run away to:
To my bed room
To my best friend’s place
To Montreal (my really sweet uncle is living there)
To Paris( I can visit Zimmi ‘s Art college)
To London( My home town)

5 things I would never wear:
hahahaha…I never thought of that stuff…well I do wear all sorts of cloth from modern western to my traditional dresses accordingly….but any thing which ‘ll never suits me I’ll never wear them…yeah in jewellery I hate “Payal”
5 favorite TV shows:
I’m not in to TV…because of little time…

5 greatest joys:
When I‘ll got to know that my husband can visualize the world with its full colors and glitter once again.
When I Passed My BE. Electrical with CGPA 3.94 and I got Gold Medal
When some one appreciates my Work
When my grandpa use to run his fingers in my hairs and listen to all my stupid words.
When I’ll have the same Place in the world of technology as Ein Stine had..
5 favorite toys:
Well. I’m in to the out door games from my child hood…I only remember one of my Doll. A stuff bear, and a stuff lamb….but these were not some thing important relating to my memories…
5 People I'm Tagging:
Well I do know only Shaper and Jahanzaib and they have done with ….so I’m leaving this section blank…J

TO THE MOON AND BACK

2005-09-10T17:03:00.000+05:00

And I stand there seeing the moon, the beautiful, beaming, mirthful, heavenly moon. I smile and talk to it “You are special but I don’t need you, I’ve my friends, I’ve myself and I’ll never ever need you, never want you.” All it does is shine with even more radiance. Butt this is where I’m wrong, for all that I’ve, do I really have any thing? “But I’m not wrong I’ve friends, ppl, who care for me, who will give their lives for me, sacrifice their wishes to buy me morsel happiness.”
“Hark! Do I really believe that crap???” cries my sub conscious, “Look into their eyes and go deep within. How can they who barely even spare you a thought sacrifice themselves. Wake up damn it. You are good for nothing, go away and live in your filthy ideals, live till they wear you away and take away all the life that you have.” “No…no…no…no! My friends give me power to live, to face the world, the devil, the good, the bad .THEY GIVE ME MY LIFE.”
“Humph. Where were they when you were down and needed uplift??? Where will be they when you fall once again?? You live in dreams and dreams are but to be shattered by the reality. And besides what have you ever given them, except moral support, and with the ideals that you treasure you don’t even deserve that in return.” “Stop that. I don’t have any ideals. I DON’T believe in ideals. Moral support is what I give them, will give them and is what /I will ever want. I don’t need you; go back to your reverie. I HAVE MY FRIENDS.”
“Huhhh friends! Then pray tell me why whenever you cry, you cry alone.” “Because they know that their crying won’t do any good to me, it will just make bluer. And besides I never asked them to share my sorrows.” “Why is that so???” Well…I want to endure my agonies alone. When I return to my norms they will be the same as they were, happy and making me happy.” “Ha! Capital nonsense. Why don’t you admit that you know they will spit on you and go their ways?? You have No friends.” “No... They share my joys when ever I’m happy. They Smile with me, laugh with me, isn’t that enough???” “Ahh a good retreat, but tell me why do they always smile with indifference. Why do they laugh with certain degree of affection whenever you want them to???”
“That…… not true.” “But that is true and you know it. You don’t have any friends, you don’t have any friends you don’t have any friends, and…..you will never have any friends, never ever.” “If that is so then I will go away from them. Faraway and never come back. They won’t ever see me and they won’t ever miss me. I will go to the moon”
I look up. The radiance of the moon has increased. It looks if it is smiling. Oh I never noticed its eyes. They are so beautiful and it looks if they are pointing in some direction. Yess yess there is a ladder yonder that leads right up to the moon. I start running towards it.
On my way I meet ^ ~ ^. He looks sick . Perhaps he needs me, but what I can do for him. He doesn’t need my words he never needed my words. He is a good human being and he will find better friend then me. I pass away unnoticed hearing his cough, feeling a bit sorry that I didn’t even say a word to him.
The ladder is still faraway, and I come across ^ ^ ~ ^ ^. He looks good and happy. I am glad that perhaps he found some one who will be ever there for him. So he too don’t need me (did he ever need me??). “Bye ^ ^ ~ ^ ^, I cry but voice fails to reach him, and I continue my journey forward.
And then I come across ~ ^ ^ ~ It looks as if she has got a new computer. She is really glad and besides I KNOW that she never ever spared a thought for me. _Farewell_~ ^ ^ ~, we shall never meet again.
Wow there is * ~ * * ~ *, busy in his mechanical engineering. I don’t think we ever meant to be together, him and me. He must have his own set of friends, and he looks good. So farewell to you too. * ~ * * ~ *. Hey I think I see ^ @##@^. Well she is angry at me for something and won’t even hear to me. I guess I will have to let it go that way. Some things can’t be undone. Tc and sd ^@##@^.
A little further I see ((())) ,&%&%&% and $$$$ . well they were my good friends or so I thought them to be, and still think them to be, but I will have to let them go. They just don’t care for me. Bye guys and happy MBBS.
There is (@``@). I think she really thinks me a good friend, and perchance may be a little vexed at my going away. But then she has *&&* and &**&. Very soon she will forget me and never ever remember me again.
Well the ladder is drawing near and I don’t expect to meet any one else on the way, but then like all other matters, I am again mistaken, this time I see #! ^^!#. Newest to be added to my special friends list, I don’t know anything about her, so be it, so be it and so being it for ever. She doesn’t care for me and I don’t think I should care for her. Somehow she entices me to wake a new me within me, but I won’t talk about it now. I am going to the moon.
And so there I am facing the ladder that will take me to the moon. “Farewell my friends” I start climbing. It’s hard but the journey is worth it. With every inch that I climb the glow of the moon increases. I think it really likes me. Ah I have finally found a true friend, true love. I and the moon will stay together till death does us apart. Slowly but steadily with a new vigor in every step that I climb, I go up.
Finally I step on the moon and push the ladder away. I will never need it again. And I am so happy. In my ecstasy I lie on the moon and touch it with my hands. But it feels so hard and cold, so void of feelings. I abruptly get up and look around.
This is not the shining white moon that I used to see down yonder.
It somehow looks dark and fiendish, and it won’t even talk to me.
Ah what a grave mistake, I should never come up here. I must go down, back to my friends.
But how?? Yesss I need not to fear. All of my friends are down there; someone of them must catch me. Yess that is it, and I jump blindly back to the earth.
I am falling down sure that I WILL be saved. And yess there they are, all of them making a circle surely there to save me. I was wrong, they do care for me, and they all do care for me. AWW I am so happy. And so I close my eyes to be caught by them.
So I am there…..I look at ^ ~ ^, ^ ^ ~ ^ ^, ~ ^ ^ ~, *~**~*, ^@##@^, ((())), &%&%&%, $$$$, (@``@) and #!^^!#...all were waiting for me. They are here for me. And so am I. They grab me in their arms…and this is what I want...and thus my part begins............

Whispers

2005-08-08T01:07:00.000+05:00

My lonely lonesome solitude
A blissful state of happiness
A fulfilled empty feeling
My own self and I
Somewhere something n somehow
My words stopped coming back unheard
I got something else n new
That did not even sounded me
I woke from my sleeping slumber
Knowing not what to look for
May be going in some direction at a time
I become a cloud dweller........leaving the abyss
But weather changed as unpredictably
Cold winds engulfed the senseless aura
My place swept away mercilessly
Drowning in darkness once more
This shadow less abode
My life, my heart, my mind
All entwined in floating memories
Hence I lay far from myself
Desires undefined and raging
Depth like an unending abyss
Light forgotten like a lingering dream
The agony everlasting
Can’t help but live lifelessly
Imagining the place
I stood My dreams.......my words......myself
Nothing but my whispers to the moon

Marriage Menace

2005-08-08T00:49:00.000+05:00

Apparently for a person to get married is like burning the candle at both ends. No one can say that what particularly is the meticulous age to get married but people in our society have set age limits for a person to get married and it has now become a common tendency that if a person crosses a certain limit he or she has to die in harness. The milieu are society has erected is bringing about such a sense of escape among our youth from getting married. All my acquaintances recall the time before they were married as they had more time and more opportunities. This is not a contradiction about marriage but nowadays when the world has become a global village, a single woman or a man is always targeted. Why is that so? Woman nowadays want to work shoulder to shoulder with man because they spent almost more than half a decade in their studies and want to accomplish something apart from standing bare-footed in the kitchen. There is no house now where husband is the only bread runner of the family because in such age if inflation a wife has to work. Those good olden days are gone where a girl use to think of a prince riding on a horse and taking her away because such mechanization is modifying the outlook of many people about when to get married and who to get married with. Both man and woman spent decades to become something even a doctor or an engineer requires specialization and that obviously takes time one cannot deem of settling down very early nowadays except for those who are born with a golden spoon in their mouth. In the current scenario if a person gets married late than it should not be considered as a sinful deed but living in an educated and civilized society we should endeavor to amend our perceptions about marriage. As it is a bond made by God and that particular time is also set by Him so when God has to every thing who has given us the right to look down upon those who are deprived of this bond. Mother’s often undergo serious depression when they have three or four daughters’ unwed sitting at home and keep in touch with the influential ladies to plead for proposals. In fact all of those influential women have nothing to do except making fun of those innocent girls. Mother’s are not even contended when all the daughters are married so it is quite the same case with girls, before being married girl’s regret of not being married and after being wed they regret that they were better before. If a person has to live in such a perplexed and indecisive state of mind than why get married is not it better to be a single than to regret. This is not a problem to the solution one has to find a peace of mind with a partner and this is not an effortless chore as one has to work hard to live a dignified life in today’s society. It’s high time that we should all clear our perception with open mindedness that a person getting married at not a particular age limit is not a sin because such trifle changes in our opinions can make an enormous difference.